Evil Avatar  

Go Back   Evil Avatar > Blogs > Agnostic Pope

Rate this Entry

Duke Nukem Never

Posted 02-09-2011 at 05:05 PM by Agnostic Pope

A metric shit-ton of stuff has happened ever since 3D Realms announced DNF.

* Enron went down in flames.
* The Euro has been introduced.
* 6 space tourists.
* The preparations for nine-fucking-eleven and the fucking aftermath and then some...

"Popular" Culture

* In 1997, the fastest consumer internets connection was a 33.6 kbps modem. On average, tubes are 300 times faster today and clogged with 99% more useful information.
* When Duke Nukem Forever was announced, the fastest processor available to consumers was a 233Mhz Pentium.
* In October of 2001, the elitist faggots at Apple announced the izzlePod and Slashdot in all their infinite fayel, dismissed it as an immediate failure. Not that anyone cares.
* Steve Jobs was still running NeXT when Duke Nukem Forever was announced.
* Geeks invented every single known method of stealing from the RIAA, including Napster.
* Some jackhole invented MySpace and gave /b/ about a hundred billion new targets and inflicted uncounted pedos and furries on the internets.
* Valve releases Steam and pwns Vivendi.
* Britney Spears has starred in numerous scat films and some music videos, too.
* Theater box office totals since the announcement are over $2.62 billion.
* Colin Farrell's entire movie career has also taken place during development.
* The concept of Bullet Time has been developed, pioneered, and completely run in to the ground.
* Cell phones ownership has become commonplace, whereas in 1997 they were viewed as luxurious expenditures and drug dealing tools.
* The entire cult following of Family Guy! It has debuted on FOX, been canceled, entered syndication, been released on DVD, redebuted on FOX, and seen the release of a feature film.
* The entire Harry Potter series as well as six movies.
* Stephen King has written 16 novels.
* After over 200 episodes, The Simpsons have not gotten any funnier.
* The birth, death, and rebirth (via feature film, direct to DVD) of Futurama, a show more worthy of lulz than The Simpsons.
* Fourteen seasons of Survivor.
* The ending of Star Trek shows Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and the beginning and ending of Enterprise, plus the films First Contact, Insurrection and Nemesis and the reboot of the show with Star Trek the movie.
* Joss Whedon showed us that he truly is our master with every Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, and Firefly episode. (Oh, and the movie Serenity.)
* Lost dragged on for six preposterous seasons before pathetically expiring.
* South Park has had 12 seasons.
* Guns and Roses' album, Chinese Democracy, which was started in 1993, before DNF was even started, was released in 2008.
* Stanley Kubrick made one final movie before he passed away (for the last 30 years of his life he made, on average, one movie every five years).
* Richard D. James has under various aliases released 21 records (or maybe "only" 20), from studio albums to compilations.
* Warhammer had 2 more editions and Warhammer 40,000 had 3 more editions. The franchises has as of 2009, on average, released a new edition every 7.7, respectively 4.4 years.
* Takashi Miike is as productive as ever.
* SG-1 had 10 seasons and 2 films; Stargate Atlantis had 5 seasons and at least 1 film is in production; Stargate Universe is in production. Also: Books and other merchandise.


* Over 75 games based in the Megaman universe, and 12 games featuring Megaman universe character cameos.
* Over 50 games based in the Star Wars universe.
* Mario has appeared in 58 different video games.
* Every Massive Multiplayer Online game and expansion with the exception of Meridian 59.
* Every Dance Dance Revolution and Bemani rhythm game
* Every Pokémon game released outside of Japan.
* Every Unreal, every Unreal Tournament, and every game that has used any of the Unreal engines.
* Quake 2, 3, 4, and countless games that have used their engines.
* Every Tony Hawk and extreme sport spin-off game.
* Daikatana began development 10 days before Duke Nukem Forever - Unfortunately no one was made John Romero's bitch when it hit retail shelves on May 23rd, 2000.
* 3DRealms and Remedy bring Max Payne and its sequel from concepts to finished games, porting both to Xbox and PS2.
* Cendant Publishing buy Sierra On-Line, sell it to Vivendi Universal and then disband.
* Valve released both Half Life 1 and 2, with several expansion packs and countless mods for each. Later they released The Orange Box, which included HL2: Episode 2, Portal and Team Fortress 2 (which was actually considered vaporware itself).
* Every version of Counter-Strike and Counter-Strike: Source were developed.
* Every Thief game and System Shock 2. Also: Fan-remakes of the System Shock-games.
* Grand Theft Auto I, II, III, Vice City, San Andreas, Liberty City Stories, Vice City Stories, IV , and innumerable shitty spin-offs.
* Black Isle was formed, released seven titles and was shut down.
* The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind and IV: Oblivion, and the entire Baldur's Gate series.
* Wizards of the Coast has printed six Core Sets, 30 Expansion Sets of Magic: The Gathering. If someone bought one of every single card printed since DNF was announced, they would have a collection of approximately 101,742 cards.
* Every installment of Metal Gear Solid released to date, as well as Ghost Babel (MGS for the Gameboy), the Metal Gear Acid series and Peace Walker for PSP. Even Guns of the Patriots was released before DNF.
* A garage full of programmers in Croatia (Croteam) developed the engine and created the game Serious Sam. Since then, there have been multiple sequels and console ports- all off a fraction of the money 3D Realms has blown on DNF's development.
* Every 3D Prince of Persia game.
* Aside from Wolfenstein 3D, every single First Person Shooter based during World War II, including the entire Medal of Honor series.
* While DNF has been in production, Blizzard Entertainment, another studio famous for delays, has released five full games (Starcraft, Diablo 2, Warcraft 3, World of Warcraft and Starcraft II), with expansions for all of them.
* The EverQuest series, and about 300 different expansions for each game.
* Every game but one from BioWare, where among the most known are Baldur's Gate 1 & 2 with two expansions; Neverwinter Nights with two expansions; Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic; and Jade Empire. All games are deep, lengthy RPGs that demand multiple playthroughs. Also every game that used engines from BioWare.
* The entire Halo trilogy was inflicted on an unsuspecting public.
* Every Gran Turismo game.
* The Ultima-series came to a conclusion, Origin was emasculated beyond recognition and Richard Garriot has been involved in a few games. Among these, the most well-known are City of Heroes and the MMORPG Tabula Rasa, which was closed on February 28, 2009. Rest in peace, sweet prince.
* PSP and Nintendo DS in all their various incarnations...
* Gamecube and Xbox has been released and discontinued.
* Various retrogames made encores for the umpteenth time with the joysticks you just plug in to your tv. (Bye-bye buggy emulators!)
* Every Resident Evil game but one and various spin-offs.
* Every Silent Hill game and various spin-offs.
* The Metroid Prime trilogy, 4 original releases and 5 re-releases. (It should also be noted that the music of Kenji Yamamoto is far better than the butt-smelling cock-rock of DN3D.)
* Every Fallout game and the spawning of the most inbred and venomous fan-forums known to man.
* Every Guitar Hero game and various clones.
* The Wing Commander-series came to an conclusion crowned with the beautiful failure of the Chris Roberts film. It makes some sort of encore in Freelancer and definitely in Wing Commander Arena on Xbox Live Arcade. Also: Fan-remakes of Wing Commander: Privateer.
* The releases of Playstation 3, Wii and Xbox 360.
* Final Fantasy had 5 more games, spinoffs uncounted.
* Even friggen' Darkfall. Yes, we shit you not.
* Two Leisure Suit Larry sequels are released after its original designer, Al Lowe, retired.
* Street Fighter 4 waited ten years to be released, and it came out before Duke Nukem Forever.
* Game Boy Color, Game Boy Advance, Game Boy Advance SP and Game Boy Micro has been released and discontinued.
* Gizmondo has been released and discontinued.
* The Might and Magic-franchise had 31 more games, add-ons and spin-offs. (Also, some collectible card-games and novels.)
* Doom 3 and its expansions.

This was taken from ED...which they took from another website that is now down...so STFU.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 11762 Comments 0 Edit Tags
« Prev     Main     Next »
Total Comments 0



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:24 PM.