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If I were a critic...

Posted 03-26-2011 at 07:15 PM by Agnostic Pope

I would write something like this.
Originally Posted by Critic Douche
At the asylum, a psychiatrist with a corny Russian accent (Carla Gugino) advises the female patients/inmates (Abbie Cornish, Jena Malone) to achieve mental peace by using their imaginations.

Good advice, thinks the new girl, and when she's threatened with a lobotomy, she retreats to her subconscious - where, happily for Snyder and Warner Bros. and hordes of teen boys, she imagines herself in a brothel/burlesque house, surrounded by hot babes in underwear.

Help me out here, ladies - is this really where your mind would go? Wouldn't you rather see yourself in, say, the Bahamas with newly single actor Bradley Cooper applying suntan oil to your shoulders?

Browning becomes Baby Doll, the R.P. McMurphy of the joint, devising a plan to help the girls escape their sleazy cuckoo's nest. She does a provocative dance, distracting the drooling male staff while the girls round up keys and knives and other stuff for their escape.

While in her dance trance, Baby Doll enters a second level of dreaming, allowing Snyder to stage a series fantasy/action trips wherein the girls battle Chinese warriors, Nazis, robots and dragons.

Because these action sequences are so pulverizingly dull and derivative (the fight moves haven't changed since "The Matrix"), they help kill Snyder's movie and also his theme - the power of the mind to free the soul of the individual.

Though they do pose an interesting question: What will you be fantasizing about when you're trying to liberate your mind from Snyder's oppressive, ugly, fun-free movie?

It's Snyder's first stab at original material (with help from Steve Shibuya), and you can't fault him for ambition. He quotes from classic Hollywood movies (like "The Wizard of Oz"), and wants to pay homage to their transportive power.

But with all of his green-screen, CGI, treated-image technology, all Snyder does here is transport the audience into the middle of a pretty lame video game.
I saw the movie YESTERDAY and I agree with this short ass review.

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  1. Old Comment
    the_evil_sword_girl's Avatar
    Wasn't interested in the first place, but I've been successfully turned off this movie completely. C: Good work.
    Posted 04-10-2011 at 06:18 PM by the_evil_sword_girl the_evil_sword_girl is offline
  2. Old Comment


    I have always been a critic of everything and think people need to say what is on their minds and not what people want or need to hear about something. It's your opinion not your opinion of what you think people want to hear. That's why I think the internet and places like this are so important. Media is just as wuzzified as the schools are getting to be and people need places to go to get the real story from people that are like them and not what some writer thinks is appropriate to say. Good review.
    Posted 04-26-2011 at 08:37 AM by party151207 party151207 is offline

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