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Skit: Infinity Ward Out, Sledgehammer In for Call of Duty

Posted 03-02-2010 at 11:10 PM by Anenome

Skits can be fun ^_^ Here's my take on what really happened inside Bobby Kotick's office the day he fired two top Infinity Ward executives. There's two more skits like this on the same page, but this is the best of them:

Originally Posted by Anenome View Post
Kotick: Come in, come in. Let's talk.

*Two IW founders enter and sit. The CEO of Sledgehammer is sitting on a nearby couch wearing a pair of mirror-shades, staring straight ahead and chewing gum.*

Kotick: We've been talking about what Modern Warfare 3 should be like, and--

IW#1: We?

Kotick: *Glancing at the Sledgehammer CEO briefly* The senior management and I.

IW: ...

Kotick: And, well, we were thinking of introducing some new gameplay elements, spice things up a bit.

IW: Such as?

Kotick: Well, for one thing, the game could use more activity... no that's not quite right. What's a better word for activity?

Sledgehammer CEO: Action!

Kotick: Right, more action. And it should feel more expansive, more... adventurous, you know what I mean?

IW: You want us to make an action-adventure game? What is this, Call of Duty: Uncharted 3?

Sledgehammer CEO: *muttering* Action-adventure!

Kotick: No, no, you're not hearing me. It should be just like Modern Warfare 2, just like with more exploration, and more, you know, upgrades. And maybe not like from first person anymore, but from a 2nd person perspective--so you can see everything. And we've got some ideas to change the revenue model around.

Sledgehammer CEO: Revenue model!

IW#1: Revenue model? Listen, Bobby Fuckstick, we're not making "Call of Duty: WoW" here.

IW#2: In fact, we're not making anything until you pay us the royalties we're due and agree to let us make our own IP.

IW#1: Damn right. The team's sick of goddamn Modern Warfare. Morale's slipping. We need some time off to make something fun.

Sledgehammer CEO: Time off!

Kotick: Oh, so that's how it's going to be, huh?

IW: That's right.

Kotick: You want time off.

IW#1: We want to make the game we want to make.

IW#2: I think we've earned it.

Kotick: ...

*Kotick takes his suit jacket off and begins rolling up his sleeves.*

Kotick: I'll tell you what, if either of you pussies can beat me in an arm-wrestling match I'll let you make your goddamn game. If you lose, you're fired.

IW: Wha--?

Kotick: Let's go, kiddies! This is how we get shit done in the big leagues. You, you're up, let's go! Get your arm the fuck up here or you're fired!

*IW#1 stands forth and grips Kotick's palm*

Kotick: Sledge, call it!

Sledgehammer CEO: *grinning* Ready, steady, go!

*IW#1's puny programmer arm is instantly slammed to the desk*

Kotick: Shit yeah! You're fired! Get the fuck out! Next!
*Looks at IW#2*

IW#2: This is childish bullshit.

Kotick: Let's go, asshole. Get you're girly-arm on the desk.

*IW#2 stands but doesn't approach the desk, at first. Then, he closes on the desk, unzips his pants, and pisses all over Bobby Kotick and the desk. Kotick--too shocked to move--is completely drenched along with the desk. Sledgehammer's CEO simply stares in shock. IW#1 busts out laughing as IW#2 pisses all over Kotick's face*

IW#1: Haha, awesome, let's get out of here.

Kotick: *flustered and red* You...! You're fired! Get the fuck out! Fucking bastards!
*places a dripping finger on the intercom button*
Nancy!!! Get me a goddamn towel, NOW!

*five minutes later*

Sledgehammer CEO: Well, that didn't go quite how I expected it to.

Kotick: Fuck them. You wanna make MW3?

Sledgehammer CEO: Sure, why not.

Kotick: It's fuckin' yours.

Sledgehammer CEO: So, WoW with guns?

Kotick: Goddamn right, get to work.

Sledgehammer CEO: Got it. See ya.
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  1. Old Comment
    Agnostic Pope's Avatar
    The game will sell like crack though. (sadly)
    Posted 03-09-2010 at 06:09 PM by Agnostic Pope Agnostic Pope is offline

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