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Old 02-24-2006, 11:33 AM   #1
bapenguin
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[EDITORIAL] - EB Games Reviews Review

I'm starting something new. Every week I'm going to bring you the best of the best of user reviews from EB Games.com. This week we'll take a look at one of the reviews of Black from Criterion Studios and EA Games.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aaron Moreno
it better have awesome online play, kinda like Battlefeild 2: Modern Combat Online Play, but not as "army" like.

Itd be cool to have your own team go against other teams. but they already have that so itd just be another shooter game online, but since i dont really know much of this game, to me so far, it looks like another Killzone game, kinda like the bootleg version of Killzone, just my thoughts, but ofcourse i'll buy this game.
Well Aaron, I'm sorry to disappoint you , but Black doesn't have any online play. In fact there isn't any multiplayer at all. It would be nice if the game had team vs team play which "might be cool", but it's gotten a bit stale as you've pointed out. You do suggest your singular team against multiple other teams, but apparently they have that too.

Do not worry though Aaron! This is not a "bootleg copy of Killzone." I've heard from a reliable source that Criterion built this game all on their own, and thanks to another EB Games review post I know there were over 200 employees working on it...apparently the most ever for a game! And the game isn't very "army" like either!

EA knows none of this matters though, since you are going to buy it anyway, you FPS whore you.

Last edited by bapenguin; 03-02-2006 at 07:30 PM..
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:35 AM   #2
DriveALW
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This is pretty funny, and quite mean. EA is taking a page from Something Awful. Still, it gets the thumbs-up from me.
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:37 AM   #3
bapenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DriveALW
This is pretty funny, and quite mean. EA is taking a page from Something Awful. Still, it gets the thumbs-up from me.
Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:38 AM   #4
danhoo
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Bap, keep doing this, it's hilarious. "User reviews" on EBgames.com are so horrible, they're unintentionally good.
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:41 AM   #5
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That is awesome. It gave me a chuckle and I needed one after sparring with my Union rep.
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:50 AM   #6
AntB
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Bapenguins EB Review Roundup! beta.
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Are you CRAZY?
Just wondering is all.
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Old 02-24-2006, 11:52 AM   #7
DriveALW
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bapenguin
Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.

You should call it Retard LIKE game!
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:00 PM   #8
ldi222
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This is a cool idea and aside from a good chuckle it might be constructive in some sort of wacky way as maybe there will be some hidden insight in these reviews from time to time. Things we may never have considered.

"Eb fanboy ignorance on display."
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:12 PM   #9
Taco
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Well you're certainly never, ever, going to run out of material.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:20 PM   #10
askheaves
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Having a hard time telling satire from sarcasm from earnest truth, and being too lazy and busy--but with plenty of time to construct this sentence--to look the info up myself, is it true that Black has no multiplayer component at all to it?
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:22 PM   #11
bapenguin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by askheaves
Having a hard time telling satire from sarcasm from earnest truth, and being too lazy and busy--but with plenty of time to construct this sentence--to look the info up myself, is it true that Black has no multiplayer component at all to it?
I speak the truth.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:24 PM   #12
RudyPoo
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Okay, so after 3 or so YEARS of lurking, this 'news' bit has forced my hand and I've finally registered.

Keep it soming and I'll have to donate even.

I regularly refer to these excellent reviews and apply the incredible insight and wisdom to my own game development projects whenever I can.

You can learn alot form a dummy.

-R
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:26 PM   #13
Dirty Harry
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bapenguin
Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.
very good idea bap, step it up a notch and do a handful of reviews. Purposely pick bad ones to make fun of etc dood.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:27 PM   #14
Babbster
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My suggestion for a title? The "Magic" of Online Customer Reviews...

That way, you could expand and grab a few from Amazon as well, another place where people with the IQ and self-control of howler monkeys hold forth on games that they haven't played, or haven't even been released.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:32 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bapenguin
Friday's are traditionally slow on news. Figured some people could use a good laugh. I just need to come up with a name for the column.
Well since you're reviewing a review of a game, that basically makes it a 'meta-review' (Joystiq likes to do these).

So, I'd suggest the Evil Avatar EB Games Meta-Reviews.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:33 PM   #16
n3rdXcore
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oh
my
god

bapenguin YOU ARE A GENIOUS
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:34 PM   #17
Babbster
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Babbster
That way, you could expand and grab a few from Amazon as well, another place where people with the IQ and self-control of howler monkeys hold forth on games that they haven't played, or haven't even been released.
I'm breaking my own rule of etiquette here by replying to myself, but after thinking about it a minute, I like this title: Howler Monkeys Speak Out!.
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:43 PM   #18
StoneGut
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NICE!!

This is going to defentially be a high-lite of the week!
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:45 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bapenguin
you FPS whore you.
Just because...
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Old 02-24-2006, 12:47 PM   #20
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I'm sorry, if you're going to EBGames.com to look at game reviews you deserve to buy every shitty title (title of topic excluded) shat out not only be EA but every software studio out there. I feel it's been made quite obvious to the community that user reviews are tainted with more than fanboy rants now a days.

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/01/25

The links on PA site are all still screwed up. But Tycho covers the company that supposedly put in some of the plants in the news post related to the comic.
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